i miss you so much mom, i cant believe it will be two years in November. it seems like it all happened only a few months ago. the day they sent you home from the hospital with no hope, i died a little inside. i still to this day have that same empty feeling in my heart, and my gut is in a knot. knowing i have to face life’s twists, and turns with out you is the scariest thought i ever have. you were the person who made everything possible, and it is all stripped away by death. i know you are in a better place, but you are still very much needed here on earth. Dad, and i are a wreck with out you here to guide us on the right path. i never knew how much you really did for me till i lost it all. nothing will ever be the same, i will never be the same. since i have lost you i lost my ability to be social with people. i try so hard to go back to the way i was but it is so hard too. i go to peoples houses hoping maybe that will snap me out of it, but then i end up sitting there quietly listening to music through headphones. i go with everyone to the park thinking some fresh air, and sun would do me some good but i always get to tiered and want to go back to a house to sit in a corner with music. i love all my friends so much, and i want to be able to hold a conversation with all of them like i use to; but now i can barely even make them laugh. i don’t want to loose all my friends after just now touching bases with them all. meeting new people for some reason i have a hard time with, i begin to shake rapidly, and not know what to talk about to keep them interested. i run out of things to say a lot, no matter who i am with. maybe something is wrong with me, or maybe i am just really depressed. either way i just cant wait till i start to feel my normal again.